Losing Confidence in What You Do? 4 Steps to Regain Confidence

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Oh, those voices successful our heads! You cognize nan ones. They susurration words of judgement and doubt. They inquire us, “Who do you deliberation you are?” and “How could you perchance beryllium truthful clueless?” They are masters astatine making america consciousness arsenic if we’re conscionable not bully enough. And earlier we moreover recognize it’s happening, slow but surely, we commencement losing assurance successful who we are, what we do, and beautiful overmuch everything we ever thought we knew.

Sound familiar?

You’re not alone. According to nan online therapy level BetterHealth, everyone lacks assurance occasionally. It’s besides not your fault. So galore factors lend to losing confidence. An article successful Psychology Today points to everything from familial constitution to life experiences to media messages arsenic reasons why we whitethorn beryllium losing confidence.

So, what tin we do erstwhile we’re losing confidence? The reply is “a lot.”

Below are 4 elemental steps that person restored assurance quickly successful nan group I coach, and I cognize they’ll thief you do nan same.

Step 1: Figure Out nan Root Cause

Knowing why you’re losing assurance is cardinal to reversing that downward spiral and not only getting your assurance backmost but besides strengthening it successful nan process.

So, return nan clip to go alert of your environment, your thoughts, your behaviors, and your relationships truthful that you tin place nan antagonistic influences that request to beryllium addressed.

For example:

  • Are you comparing yourself to different people’s “highlight reels” connected societal media? Does doing that boost your assurance aliases does it do nan very opposite?
  • Are you putting unrealistic expectations connected yourself? Do you consciousness arsenic if you person to beryllium “perfect” aliases that you person to “know it all” from nan connection go? Are those “unattainables” portion of nan problem successful your losing confidence?
  • Are you emotion your age? Whether you’re successful your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, aliases beyond, each play of life brings pinch it caller experiences, and sometimes, having to study thing caller contributes to our losing assurance successful who we thought we were.
  • Are nan group successful your life—your alleged “friends,” your bosses, colleagues, aliases moreover your important others—disrespecting you to nan constituent of beating you and your self-confidence down?

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Asking yourself these questions and getting answers will thief you to statesman to break free from whoever and immoderate is dragging you down.

Step 2: Remember Who You Are

I know. This sounds either excessively elemental aliases a spot daunting and possibly moreover scary. But I committedness you that each nan group I person coached person recovered it to beryllium empowering.

This is, rather simply, taking inventory of yourself. So, return retired a expanse of paper. Write down nan years you’ve been alive.

You tin commencement astatine immoderate property and attraction connected individual years aliases group years successful increments of 5 aliases 10 years. It doesn’t matter really you spell astir doing this. It only matters that you get existent pinch yourself erstwhile you do.

Humans thin to retrieve and bespeak much connected nan negatives successful life—past traumas, unfavorable experiences, perceived failures. So, for this exercise, you want to unit yourself to constitute down things you person done successful your past that person gotten you to wherever you are today.

No infinitesimal is excessively small. No judgments and nary cherry-picking. You simply constitute it each down.

For example, erstwhile you were 11 months old, did you return your first steps? What twelvemonth did you speak your first word? When did you study to thrust your bicycle? Were you 16 erstwhile you sewage your driver’s license? Did you study your machine skills connected a PC aliases a Mac? When was your first crush aliases kiss? Were you ever responsible for a fur babe aliases feathered friend? When’s nan first clip you boarded an airplane? How aged were you erstwhile you cashed your first paycheck? What’s 1 point you did successful your past that you ne'er thought you’d ever beryllium capable to do?

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You spot really erstwhile we objectively reappraisal each nan things we’ve done (and succeeded at)—many of which we had nary hint really to do astatine nan start—we statesman to recognize conscionable really tin we are?

It’s not that we didn’t make mistakes aliases didn’t autumn down while trying and learning. We astir apt did. The constituent is that we progressed and that nothing—neither nan bully things nor nan bad—lasted forever.

In doing this exercise, we statesman to spot ourselves much intelligibly and boost our self-confidence. We besides commencement to summation position from hindsight, often having those lightbulb moments of really 1 arena that didn’t spell arsenic planned really turned into nan catalyst for a infinitesimal that was bigger and amended than you could person ever anticipated.

We past return this to nan adjacent level and spell extracurricular of ourselves. So, constitute a small societal media station aliases trade a elemental matter connection asking nan different group successful your life to stock 2 aliases 3 qualities that travel to mind erstwhile they deliberation astir you.

Don’t beryllium awkward astir it, and don’t fearfulness what they whitethorn say. I committedness you that nan responses you get will astonishment you successful a affirmative benignant of way.

We each are our ain worst enemies, but that doesn’t mean we can’t study to go friends pinch who we are (and who those voices of self-doubt and judgement successful our heads person america convinced we whitethorn be).

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Step 3: Strike a Pose

Madonna fans whitethorn person conscionable uttered nan connection “Vogue” and, yes, that’s portion of what I’m talking astir here. If you’ve ne'er really publication nan lyrics from Madonna’s 1990 deed base that title, I promote you to do so.

That opus is each astir getting connected nan creation level erstwhile you don’t consciousness bully capable wrong yourself. The lyrics are speaking to anyone losing confidence, and they propose really passim history, icons pinch cognition conscionable sewage retired location and did their thing—and you can, too.

Don’t judge me? Don’t deliberation it tin beryllium that simple? Don’t cognize aliases moreover for illustration to dance?

I perceive you. But earlier you disregard this step, see this illustration from what started maine connected nan way to striking my airs whenever I felt arsenic if I was losing assurance and needed a boost.

I was a young firm executive struggling to support my caput supra h2o during a peculiarly challenging clip of merging pinch different team. My paths crossed pinch an older, wiser “been astir nan block” personage moments earlier I would beryllium facing a boardroom filled pinch decision-makers of my fate.

This gracious woman shared pinch maine her concealed arsenic to really she was capable to exude assurance moreover successful her astir dreaded moments.

Ready for it?

In nan elevator, hallway, aliases nan bath you sojourn connected your measurement to immoderate it is that has shaken your religion successful you and your abilities, you do what she told maine was called “the Wonder Woman pose” (works nary matter really you self-identify).

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Simply put, you guidelines straight, return up immoderate space, put 1 manus connected each hip, chin tilted upward, respire in, and beryllium present. Hold this airs for a fewer minutes. It’s 1 of nan powerfulness poses by societal scientist Amy Cuddy.

This Harvard Professor, writer of nan bestselling book, Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges, and TED Talk speaker galvanized millions pinch ways to entree our powerfulness and elevate our confidence. If you effort it, you’d beryllium successful bully company.

Beyoncé does it. Christine Madeleine Odette Lagarde—the French politician, lawyer, and president of nan European Central Bank—does it. And Cuddy’s study explains why it works.

Our attitudes often travel our behaviors, her investigation suggests, meaning that assuming nan assemblage connection of a powerful personification tin make anyone who does it consciousness much confident.

Step 4: Just Say “No”

Losing assurance intends you’ve fixed your powerfulness away. And 1 of nan fastest ways to return backmost your powerfulness is to utter a mini two-letter word: NO.

Now, this is going to return immoderate practice. But conjecture what? So did you erstwhile you mislaid assurance successful yourself. Revisit Step 1 successful this article. Every 1 of those examples took clip and, yes, believe to erode your self-confidence. So now, place which ones are negatively contributing to really you’re emotion astir yourself, and let’s commencement practicing rebuilding your self-esteem.

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Start disconnected small. Is scrolling done your societal media doing immoderate harm to your psyche? Then conscionable opportunity “no” to it. Take a break from Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, aliases immoderate is consuming you.

You get to take whether aliases not you let that sound into your life. Prioritizing yourself by saying “no” to paying attraction to others’ posts is thing that you power and that has a very powerful payoff.

What if you’ve wished that your losing assurance is straight related to you getting older? It’s nary concealed that there’s bias and ageism and a socially pervasive thought that you’re either excessively aged to do definite activities aliases to study caller things.

But here’s nan point I’ve travel to realize: At each age, we deliberation nan decade that came earlier was easier and that we were someway better, smarter, faster. Some of that whitethorn beryllium true, but astir of it isn’t.

Say “no” to focusing connected what you deliberation you can’t do aliases you tin nary longer do arsenic good arsenic you utilized to. Put your energies into each that you do know, everything you person experienced, nan contented you’ve gained, and nan skills you’ve acquired. For each infinitesimal your soul sound criticizes you, show it “No. Thanks, but no, you’re wrong, and here’s why…”

Practice saying “no” astatine slightest erstwhile a day. It tin beryllium to your ain judgy voices of doubt, aliases it tin beryllium to nan outer factors you’ve identified that person caused you to suffer confidence. It, on pinch these different suggestions, are very powerful steps successful restoring your confidence.

Final Thoughts

Losing assurance successful ourselves happens. It’s happened to maine connected much than 1 occasion.

I stake if you asked nan group closest to you successful your life—the ones who outwardly look to beryllium truthful very confident—they’ll motion and nod, letting you cognize that they’ve knowledgeable self-doubt and a nonaccomplishment of confidence, too. It’s portion of being quality and surviving this point we telephone life.

Remember, however, nan celebrated quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, erstwhile First Lady and woman of President Franklin D. Roosevelt:

“No 1 tin make you consciousness inferior without your consent.”

You get to choose. You ever person nan power. Remember who you are. Strike a pose, and conscionable opportunity “no” to immoderate is dragging you down.

So, what do I want to know? What’s 1 mini measurement you’ll return coming to commencement backmost connected nan way of restoring your confidence?

More Tips connected How to Restore Confidence

  • 10 Things You Haven’t Tried To Boost Your Confidence At Work
  • 11 Killer Ways to Gain Confidence and Boost Your Self-Esteem

Featured photograph credit: Thomas Mowe via unsplash.com

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